My Hopes, Memories and Dreams

Lost at Sea

P3140036Sailing through this sea of life, I continue to find myself in choppy waters. My fellow voyagers are quick to reassure me I have the right equipment, my reputation is renowned; and that my thorough experience as the master of many varying vessels and explorer of bays near and far, is well documented by all.

Given the wondrous praise bestowed upon me by both my crew and fellow voyagers I cannot help but ponder why I keep heading for tumultuous waters ? Caught in the rip, I do see the calm, still pools ahead…oh so inviting…oh so enticing…yet they allude me. Are my navigation skills truly so poor ? How can that be for a seafaring woman of such high regard ?

Here I sit perched atop my cabin, scanning the horizon for calmer seas.  Here I sit alone…a solo traveller on this voyage. Other ships pass me often, bidding me good fortune on my travels but never stopping long enough to share a tale or two over a pitcher of rum. When a lull approaches, inviting space and time for exploration at foreign ports, I courageously disembark my vessel, tossing my trusty life-jacket aside to expose the vulnerability otherwise shrouded beneath. Yet too often my hopes and expectation give way to disappointment at the sinking realisation that the Captains that stop in my waters do not share my fervour for future endeavours, or are just plain simpletons in disguise.

Am I destined to be a solo voyager through distant oceans  ?  Wary of pirates lurking to overthrow my vessel, I tighten the lock on my wares as each stranger in the dark approaches. Yet the tiniest flicker of light burns still within, in anticipation of the discovery of unchartered waters that may be revealed with the turning of each fresh page of my cruiser’s log. Wiping the fog of disillusionment from my binoculars, I raise them once more in the hope of spotting that illusive sea-mate with the qualifications to join me on this journey,  providing the inspiration to fill out my sails and steer me towards more peaceful waters.

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29 responses

  1. Your rescue is comng. They just need to find your bearings. 🙂

    September 6, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    • Ha Ha…thanks for the positive words Jessica !

      September 6, 2009 at 10:02 pm

  2. Beverlonian

    Hi Colleen,

    I succumbed to the strong undercurrents and southerly trade winds off the ‘strangebrew’ isles which have seemingly dragged my battered yacht towards your shores, sent me crashing over the pounding surf and onto such a warm welcoming beach..

    and what do we find here? a sea-faring lady and hostess who crafts fine poetry and possesses the spirit of adventure..

    enchanté!

    September 6, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    • Hello and thank you for visiting. I’m pleased you found my little island a welcome port to explore.

      Colleen

      September 6, 2009 at 10:05 pm

  3. One of the difficulties of growing up in tumultuous family childhood is that you reach adulthood not quite knowing who you are and what’s right for you. Enter poetry, enter writing.

    Suffice it to say, I love this and my response to you has now gotten away from and will become the lesson plan/proposal that I’m sending into Pima Community College for a course on Poetry Therapy. I will post it later today. I’m not quite comprehending all of this yet, however you, Jaymie, Jane, Dane, Fal, Danielle and all the others are triggering a creative donut hole that is being heard around the world. Thank you dear friend.

    September 6, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    • Yes, knowing what and who is right for me is a challenge. How lovely to hear your exciting plans ! I have just commenced a degree in “Communication” and the attention and support of my fellow bloggers has certainly helped to spur me on and bolster my confidence in this side of who I am.

      Best of Luck.

      September 6, 2009 at 10:09 pm

  4. Wow your blog is so beautiful and we are excited to be connecting with you. We encourage you to follow your dream and that little soft voice that wants you to move forward. We’d like to add you to our blogroll and are naming you… inspirational blog of the week – check back later tonight.
    Big hugs from us
    8 women Dream

    September 7, 2009 at 3:11 am

    • Hello and thank you for your words of womanly wisdom. Thanks for taking the time to visit and for the lovely honour you have bestowed upon me.
      Hugs in return,
      Colleen

      September 7, 2009 at 4:08 am

  5. I wish I were a sailor.
    Beautiful and enticing
    are your words and your smile.

    I’ve never been put out to sea,
    but I think I’d feel safe with you.
    I bid you good fortune, dear lady!

    If ever I were to come close to you,
    I would gladly accept your invitation,
    and never again have to say,
    “I missed my boat”. Aye!

    Excellent bit of writing, Colleen!
    You had a full boat, and worked it out well.

    September 7, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    • Oh Uncle Tree…that’s just what I needed…to feel encirlced by your loving branches of understanding. Thank-you !!!

      September 8, 2009 at 6:41 am

  6. Colleen,

    September 8, 2009 at 5:38 am

  7. Sorry–here’s the rest!
    This yearning is undying, isn’t it? I know because I had the same dream. Just in case your yearning is anything like mine was, I would say, Don’t be desperate. Don’t chase it away by wanting it too much. What do you love? Get out, join groups of people who love the same things. Dedicate yourself to something and life will unfold. Know that you are so beautiful, inside and out, that love cannot not find you. Know that you deserve to be loved the same way that you love, and a good man will come. This you must believe, from deep within.

    September 8, 2009 at 5:45 am

    • Thanks Pam for your warm and loving wishes ! Yes, I’m an trying to sit back and accept that the Universe will hear my call and when the timing is right…the”right” man will present. Patience is the key but it is a challenge to ignore the inner desire for intimate companionship on this journey, though I am so grateful for the gift of my girls and my friends. Thank you again for your wise words of guidance.

      September 8, 2009 at 6:48 am

  8. Beverlonian

    Do you think there is one ‘right’ person for each of us in this world or perhaps many?

    I’m hugely troubled by the cunundrum that having fallen in love, gotten married, lived together and shared our lives we now find ourselves apart geographically, the love is still there but the favoured lifestyle of each of us means we can’t get it together again.

    We see each other on holidays, the passion re-ignites, we vow to put it right, we never do.. we live in seperate countries but somehow we’re in limbo…

    We speak regularly on the phone, we laugh, cry, comfort and respect each other..

    Is this delusional, is this fate? is this merely the trials of life…?

    I keep taking bearings, I keep on the same course, am I heading for the iceberg or will I drift endlessly on the sea..

    So I live here and now, she lives here and now..

    Sail on..

    September 9, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    • I believe life brings us what we need, when we need it and in the exact dosage. Perhaps your separation is a challenge to teach you about that love can be strong enough to stand on its own without the need for you both to be physically in the same space at all times. If your passion endures despite the times apart then maybe that’s what is “right” for the both of you. Take confidence in the spiritual bond you must share…that is such a rare jewel in the elusive treasure chest of life !

      I am trying to reassure myself that if we can be comforted, acknowledged, strengthened, approved, forgiven and admired from within then anything offered by a partner / lover/ mate is simply a bonus…the icing on the cake.

      Ahh…the unpredicatability of this vast ocean we sail, never knowing the depths to which that iceberg is submerged under water, so hidden from view…

      Sail on…in hope and trust in the Universe !

      September 12, 2009 at 7:42 am

  9. Ok so your mother sounds bloody awful. Sorry. Bloody hell. I mean, we all have horrid memories of yucky times during our childhood, but your mother needs a good spanking and told to behave herself…..seriously!!!! But it is time you let all of this drift away from you – do not torment yourself with your past, that is why it is the past….that is where it belongs…..reach for your future…..

    You write beautifully too…..

    September 10, 2009 at 1:59 am

    • hey there, yes “bloody awful” indeed. I find that writing about my memories does something magical to honour the “child me” who endured the pain and isolation for so long. As I write and the story and emotion unfolds, I feel I give witness to the strength and resilience of that child that has not been previously recognised by anyone else in her life.

      And aren’t I just in the perfect position to do so with love and understanding ! Plus the beautiful, hearfelt responses I receive act like a great big warm hug, also so new and comforting to the child within.

      Thank you for visiting and taking the time to comment. You are all so wonderful and it means so much to hear that you appreciate my writing that I so love to share !!!

      September 12, 2009 at 7:48 am

  10. Ships don’t always pass in the night. Sometimes they bump into each other.

    September 10, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    • Ha Ha…well when that happens I will be sure to have my life-jacket on as the impact is bound to send me hurtling over board !

      September 12, 2009 at 7:50 am

  11. hmmmm…. I really liked this. Your writing drew me in to your surroundings. I can see the ocean. I’ll never understand how the universe works on the love thing, I guess I know it when I feel it… so no offerings of advice, just keep writing as it works well for you! beautiful, albeit sad…

    ….hope, by the way, you mentioned hope. yes, it is the forsight of what is to come, I am sure.

    September 12, 2009 at 12:02 am

    • Hi Cindy,

      I’m happy you like my writing ! It is so wonderful to be able to share. I will hold on to the hope and to the intention to spread it back out around the world to all who need a lifeline when troubled waters swell around them.

      Thanks for visiting,

      Colleen

      September 12, 2009 at 7:52 am

  12. Weathering many a storm
    This seaward captain did

    Searching always
    To rest his weary soul

    Traveling by moonlight
    The stars overhead

    Always wondering a friend would he find
    Constantly pondering a lover could she be

    Colleen in Cairns as he studies his last map
    X marks the spot the treasure awaits

    Questioning his saxtant
    Would he ever find her

    His eyes growing dimmer
    Could he now recognize her

    Okay, so it’s a little on the korny side…but hey, I’m a cowboy not a poet!

    September 12, 2009 at 3:39 am

    • Oh Urban Cowboy, not corny at all !

      I love to think I am the treasure at which some weary sailor will stumble upon one day in absolute surprise and delight. Well in fact I KNOW I am that treasure and clearly the trail to my discovery is very well disguised indeed, but I’m confident the sailor with exactly the precise skills and experiences in his stead will be the one worthy of finding me.

      Thank you for your lovely words.

      September 12, 2009 at 7:56 am

  13. Flow

    You have a masterful talent for comparative/analogy writing. I thoroughly enjoy reading pieces like this, excellant work my friend.

    September 12, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    • Thank you for your lovely words and for coming to visit !

      September 12, 2009 at 11:14 pm

  14. Colleen,

    I’m so glad you have steered your ship into these waters, here, with us.

    Your writing is as strong as your spirit. Calmer waters are ahead, and you will sail for them when you are ready. There are still lessons to be learned in rough seas.

    XO Danielle

    September 12, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    • Hi Danielle,

      I am seeking out the lessons and asking for the right teacher/s to present into my life. I think patience is the key…and Iacknowledge it’s what I lack ! It’s comforting to know I am not completely stranded as there are fellow travellers on this voyage who have sailed through similar storms.

      Colleen

      September 12, 2009 at 11:17 pm

  15. Hi Colleen,

    Nice piece of writing here. May this talent God has given you be used for His glory.

    Blessings,

    Carol Connell

    September 12, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    • Thank you Carol for your well wishes. I appreciate you stopping by.

      September 12, 2009 at 11:18 pm

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