My Hopes, Memories and Dreams

Birth of the Soul

A formless puddle puddle
Of energy
Rippling, softly
Here I float

Surrounded by Light
I swell
In rapturous harmony
Existential delight !

Must I go ?
Must I choose
The trauma
And heartache
Of this Life ?

Darkness descends
A bloodied womb
My cradle
The beating heart
My only constancy

Oh the pain !
I wince
My face distorted
Squinting
at the brightness

Reluctantly
I emerge
Into the cold

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41 responses

  1. duke1959

    How very true!

    September 21, 2009 at 9:24 am

    • Hi, thank you for taking the time to comment.

      These words are the result of a facinating experience of regression therapy in recent days, that took me back to memories of early childhood, birth and pre-birth. Facinating indeed…and I am still reflecting upon the visions and emotions experienced.

      Colleen

      September 21, 2009 at 9:30 am

  2. Pierre

    In her wisdom, life holds us tight against a chest that overflows, with tears and smiles.

    Now that life has given us birth, we must learn to give birth to ourselves.

    If one evades heartache and traum, one evades life itself.

    September 21, 2009 at 10:24 am

    • Thank you Pierre for your wise contribution.

      I have now recognised the origin of much of my struggle in this life…the reluctance to embark upon this journey…a sense of “I do not belong here”.

      I hope that through acceptance that I was directed on this path to learn to create my own identity and be courageous in the face of difficulty, I will lessen the heartache and trauma I encounter as I “give birth” to the life I truly deserve.

      Best Wishes,

      Colleen

      September 21, 2009 at 10:37 am

  3. I think probably the only thing more traumatic than birth is a violent death. The way we come into this world is a terrifying separation. I’m sure it must be imprinted in our memories somewhere.

    September 21, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    • Well as I have discovered, it is certainly imprinted in mine ! A facinating memory.

      September 22, 2009 at 4:19 am

  4. Pain and joy are shared. I was informed by a therapist years ago that if I wasn’t willing to experience, I wouldn’t experience the other. Terrific Colleen. You are a strong woman deserving of everything!

    September 22, 2009 at 3:26 am

    • Thanks Sara. In the spirit of Louise Hay I am practicing the affirmation: “I am a strong woman, deserving of wonderful experiences” !

      September 22, 2009 at 4:21 am

      • Louise Hay of Hay House publications (ie Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer). I have a Dyer CD that I listen to now about once a month to keep the brain thinking in the right direction (kind of like an oil change every 3000 miles). I’ll have to find the saying about different paths and send it to you. Good affirmation.

        September 22, 2009 at 1:42 pm

  5. warlock6

    Our birth is not so nice and wonderful as can be. this is a shock and trauma for us. but we learn how to love this life and do not want to leave it at the end. strange: we ae guests here but we do not want to go home. Why? Maybe here is much better to exist than “there”?

    September 22, 2009 at 8:28 am

    • I think that we do not want to depart this life simply based upon our fears, as we have forgotten where we have come from and thus where we will be returning to. What a joyous discovery for those who do recall the blissful peace we have to look forward to !

      Thank you for adding your words to the mix !

      Colleen

      September 22, 2009 at 9:58 am

  6. Hello, Colleen!
    A very natural birthing process it is,
    and you’ve described it well here.
    The soul’s reluctant? Maybe so, but
    Mother Earth is expectant and receptive.

    You’ve also brought up the eternal question.
    Reincarnation with recycled old souls? Or
    An original, brand-spanking new soul of our own?

    Only an old soul could know the pain and cold
    waiting in the wings of life on a watery planet.
    It may just be my ego that wishes for it’s own
    separate existence from the rest. Selfish creatures
    think like that, and I, a dualist, agree.

    Which side of the fence do you fall on?

    September 22, 2009 at 10:18 am

    • Greetings Uncle Tree,

      Through the process of experiencing these memories of my soul I had an overwhelming sense that I did not want to be born into this life, knowing it was going to be a difficult one !

      Perhaps I was given a little snap shot of what to was to come, but I consider that as a soul …as an old soul….who had experinced this world before…why on earth (pardon the pun) would I want to leave the floaty, glorious world of “heaven” to experience it again ? Makes so much sense !

      Maybe a younger soul would have embarked on this journey with greater enthusiasm and zest, but the sense of not wanting to put myself through the grief certainly fits with an inner sense of just not wanting to be in this life ! Even as a child I vividly recall looking around at my family thinking “Who are these people ???…Why was I born into this family ??…I do not want to be here !”

      Clearly the Higher Power / God / Universe adamently sent me on my way knowing I still have much to learn !

      September 22, 2009 at 10:34 am

      • Holy cow, I just spent 3 days with family and I can say – “Who are these people?…Why was I born into this family ??…!” Or maybe WTF? Sorry, I’m the crazy poet who read and finds learning exciting. Thank God for you.

        September 22, 2009 at 1:47 pm

  7. wow…i hope my kids felt the way you did… lol
    Here from Jingle’s.

    hugs
    shakira

    February 24, 2010 at 3:28 pm

  8. wow. intense! i offically LOVE this one! (and your layout is beautiful too!)

    February 24, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    • Hello ! Thank you for your visit. I’m pleased you enjoyed what you found here !

      February 24, 2010 at 10:12 pm

  9. love the intensity and energy and the inner voice calling not to leave…

    February 24, 2010 at 10:54 pm

  10. This is so spiritual; absolutely beautiful. Thanksfor creating and sharing!!!

    February 24, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    • You’re welcome Cordie. Glad you appreciate my words. 🙂

      February 27, 2010 at 7:25 am

  11. I like a lot the new poem 🙂 You have lot of talent and imagination.
    Birth of the Soul…interesting title and the picture is beautiful.
    Keep writing, Colleen! 😉
    10X!

    Enjoy the moment, my dear friend!

    February 24, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    • Hi Alina,
      Thanks for visiting as always ! Pleased you enjoyed it !

      February 26, 2010 at 2:40 am

  12. There are so many issues which emerge from your therapy Colleen; so wouldn’t all unborn babies feel the same, that they’d rather stay in the warm, cosy womb & not come out?

    And this notion of souls.. that there are young ones and older ones.. how can you age them if they are infinite?

    and also that the soul inside the baby would have some clue as to what life might entail again.. and again and again.. if your soul has prior knowledge wouldn’t it tell you so that you could navigate through the joy & pain of life more efficiently?

    Yes as always I’ve asked more questions than suggested answers.. as nothing I propose is certain..perhaps you’ll tell me that we can learn to communicate with our souls in a meaningful way.. did your therapy touch on this… pray tell… 🙂

    February 25, 2010 at 12:38 am

    • Hi Tigercity, Thank you for always asking the challenging questions ! Ha ha…I do appreciate the conversation ! I would imagine that some more immature souls with lesser experience of the potential tragedies of the “Life journey” may be more excited at the prospect of embarking upon the journey and keen to get to know the love ones waiting for them. I don’t necessarily think the reincarnation journey is infinite but rather we begin the journey as naive souls and it is the intention of repeated journeys through life to learn the lessons intended for us until we become “old souls” proficient in the lessons of Love and humanity that entitle us to “retire” as such. This is endeavour of “spiritual growth” that many people refer to.

      In terms of communicating with our souls, well…we are our souls. They are not a separate entity. Our consciousness and ego can just cloud the connection or recollection. Part of the “spiritual growth” process is learning that essentially we are the love, light, warmth and ecstatic joy that I experienced when I returned in the regression therapy to the pre-conception state. That is the essence of who we are as a soul. Once transposed into this human body we inhabit we are “corrupted” or influenced by conditioning, the ego and the sheer experience of being in this world that we “forget” the fact that essentially we are a soul on a mission ! Perhaps it is the more experienced souls who have less difficulty recalling this and therefore can delve deeper into the process.

      That’s my thinking anyway !

      February 27, 2010 at 7:52 am

      • Colleen,

        I enjoy these exchanges too.. so here goes again..

        Admittedly, I had to read your reply about 3 times but I feel I must query further..if ourselves and our souls are one and the same then upon death, both must cease to be then.. which means something doesn’t add up.. in my head at least..

        Maybe I’m nit-picking here.. anyway in order to gain experience and rid the “naivity”, the soul must venture through several persons’ lives surely.. and this suggests that the body it inhabits is just a vehicle to carry the soul during its quest.

        Or do we get “born-again”? sorry for the pun.. cos if what you say is true a soul has more than one lifetime to “get it right” or find what it’s looking for.. whatever that may be I couldn’t imagine.. wisdom.. peace.. love..

        Well it’s fascinating that you feel yourself a wiser soul, really I’m not sure I’d label myself in that category as I personally struggle to attach any “higher meaning” to this life. perhaps this will change.. who can say.

        Doesn’t mean I’m blind to other possibilities though.. and that’s why I’m most probably here sharing my thoughts with you and reading yours and others’..

        That said.. I’ve come across your way of thinking before as it nods towards the philosophy of the Mevlevi in Turkey. Here’s a link if you have time to read a little..

        http://www.mevlana.net/

        From what I’ve heard from someone who’s visited the Mevlana’s descendent in Istanbul, they believe that our mission here on Earth is for the soul to “remember” its purpose.. that it’s forgotten and the search must continue.. and that this means through spiritual growth.

        They are lnked to the dervishes (you may have knowledge of their whirling dance?) and having read a little more myself just now, its surprisingly similar to what you’ve been discussing.

        take care..

        March 1, 2010 at 2:00 am

      • Hi there Tigercity,

        When I say “we are our souls” I mean our consciousness is intrinsically linked to who we are as a “soul”. Part of the effort of meditation is to cut through the “static” that floats around the head of the “me myself and I” that we have constructed, and attempt to reconnect with the “essence” of who we are. Thus, yes I agree the soul is perhaps separate from the body which upon death disintegrates freeing the soul to continue on its journey.

        I don’t mean to give advice in any way, but if you are interested in the theory, meditation may give you a taste of the idea that there is another layer under the mind/ego “chit chat” that it is possible to tune in to.

        Reflecting upon my childhood and the amazing insight, strength and access to a “greater guidance system” ( of which I will undoubtably write some more !!!) is what makes me think I am an older soul, with an ability to percieve people, their motivations and their emotional / psychological states with a much more clarity than others. I see it with my own daughters too, the older one having remarkable maturity of outlook and wisdom from a very early stage that just makes me accept she was born with insights other children are no where near achieving.

        I haven’t heard anything before about the philosophy of the Mevlevi, but the notion that as souls we forget why we are here is exactly what I am alluding to when I say “Once transposed into this human body we inhabit we are “corrupted” or influenced by conditioning, the ego and the sheer experience of being in this world that we “forget” the fact that essentially we are a soul on a mission !” yes, this is what I believe the path of spiritual growth to be all about. Thanks for the link, I am very interested and will check it out !

        Thanks again for the open converstation !

        March 1, 2010 at 2:42 am

  13. What an interesting poem about birth. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing this.

    February 25, 2010 at 3:20 am

    • Thats what writing and sharing is all about ! Thanks for stopping by.

      February 26, 2010 at 5:02 am

  14. this is a beautiful blog and excellent writing too..

    February 25, 2010 at 3:28 am

  15. blissbait

    Hey. This is lovely. God, they all are! I love Your room and Your heart and Your words! Thank You and Cheers and Namaste. You’ve given me a feeling for my meditation tonight. The glorious Universe womb will be visited by one blissbait. 🙂

    February 25, 2010 at 3:48 am

    • hey Bliss ! Happy to have provided a little inspiration to you !

      February 27, 2010 at 6:51 am

  16. Colleen, it is a beautiful piece, so full of your passion for our real home. I feel like asking, ‘Did you write this for me?’ I, too, didn’t want to leave the warm, loving space for physical birth.
    Only I felt more terror than you in my pre-birth memories, something like, “NO! NO! NO! NO!” But there are no U-turns in the birth canal–good design for all of us scaredy-cats, eh? I, too, have been told I’m an old soul. Edgar Cayce says all souls are the same age; if he’s right, maybe it’s easier for some people to tap into the space of, “I’m a soul in a temporary body, rather than a body with a soul.” One person commented that we may all feel this way before birth and that could be so, but some people sure seem to do very well here, while others struggle so much. Of course, that brings to mind the whole issue of karma and what we have chosen to ‘pay back’ in each particular life. One time I dreamed I was in a room filled with small, stacked drawers; I went to the drawer that was mine and inside were hundreds of what looked like index cards. I pulled out a couple cards randomly and read them, said, “Holy, shit!”, slammed the drawer and woke up, not feeling good about who I had been, or how I had lived, anyway.
    And, boy does your writing stimulate deep thoughts! I think we don’t want to leave life too early because of all the love we share with others. The day I left my body in 1997 and almost crossed over, it was the love of my children (and the grace of God) that brought me back. Love is the original cause and you are doing a wonderful job of teaching as you share your journey. You are one heck of a writer, dear girl!
    Pam

    February 25, 2010 at 4:24 am

    • Hi Pam, Thanks for sharing more of your experiences and thoughts. I agree that some people seem to have a much greater sense of purpose or desire to uncover such purpose than others, who in contrast just appear happy to float through concentrating on the day to day issues. I believe it is us “older souls” who are more in touch with our sense that time on this earth is precious and whole lot more meaningful than simply “You are born, you live and then you die”. I feel really pleased to consider myself on the former end of the spectrum.

      You are right, the simplicity of Love for ourselves and for others is really at the core of what it’s all about and it’s really really important not to lose sight of that. I for one can get bogged down in the who’s, how’s and why’s of what I am supposed to be learning and achieving ! Certainly the regression experience did really assist in bringing home to me a sense of “acceptance” that this is simply the path that the “greater good” has seen fit to send me on. And a more “accepting” approach to the experiences that I regard as disappointing has brought me a lot of relief and peace.

      It’s just fascinating…SO fascinating and I look forward to learning and sharing more as my story continues to unfold !

      February 27, 2010 at 7:07 am

  17. You have the gift og expression and understanding! I have enjoyed reading your work! Keep it going strong! Have a fun day! 🙂

    February 26, 2010 at 3:13 pm

  18. how excelent this is Colleen… did I mention I’m glad you are back to writing again??? the new look is great!!!!

    February 26, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    • Hi Cindy. Thank you ! Happy to be back too ! 🙂

      February 27, 2010 at 7:10 am

  19. Vivid descriptions…rather emotional. It’s both beautiful and scary. To leave the safety of one..to enter the strangeness of another. Not only is that true to birth..leaving the womb..and entering such a cold and foreign world…but true to life. We do a lot of moving — of going from one place to another. At least, those of us that truly live. Sometimes change isn’t the most comforting…but it is, in my opinion, needed..if you ever truly want to experience life.

    Anyway, this is lovely. I’m not sure what my stance is on past lives or reincarnation..but I’m definitely the type of person whom’ “doesn’t not believe”. I’ll consider anything; gather the information, research..and decide. I rarely rule any theory or personal experience out completely. Of course, I’m not so open minded that my brain falls out, but I certainly accept the fact that I am not an all-knowing being, and that there are many things far beyond my comprehension or knowledge. I’ve never given past lives much thought, but your blog has made me ponder the possibility.

    Regardless of all that…lovely poem. I like it a lot!

    -Tyrion

    February 27, 2010 at 1:25 am

    • Hi Tyrion. I agree totally that transformation of the self that can occur through many differing forums is crucial to our spiritual / emotional evolution. I hadn’t really considered my poem in that light though so thank you for bringing it to my attention ! Yes I think life is so much more delicious to those with the willingness to be open to the mysteries. (I love your comment “Of course, I’m not so open minded that my brain falls out…”…! Hilarious !).

      Isn’t it wonderful that we do have this forum to share and explore the infinite possibilities with each other as a global community of creative, supportive and respectful thinkers ?

      Colleen

      February 27, 2010 at 7:20 am

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