My Hopes, Memories and Dreams

About Me

My name is Colleen DuBois. I am 33 34 years old and I live in Cairns, Tropical North Queensland, Australia.

I grew up in Melbourne, Victoria, the youngest of six siblings. My childhood was a tumultuous one, that centred around a volatile home environment tempered by the moods of an emotionally unpredictable mother. My childhood memories are not joyous and soothing, and for most of my adult life I have willingly let them slip to the back of my “consciousness vault”. There they have withered, but admittedly, not perished forever as I had perhaps hoped. I am aware of their existence and in recent years I have grown to acknowledge that drawing them out occasionally does not have to be scary. For better or worse, these experiences have moulded everything about who I am today.

I moved to Cairns about four years ago from Darwin where I lived for three years. Just as I would never have dreamed I would live in the Northern Territory, I never imagined living in Far North Queensland. The relocation from Melbourne to the Northern cities of Australia and the evolution of my personal life that it would ignite, challenged all I had come to believe and accept about who I was and the world around me. And for that I am so grateful.

Today I am a 33 34 year old mother of the two most delightful girls on the planet. I believe they have been sent to me to nourish me, to inspire me and to bring joy into my life. We live in a town house that looks out towards the magnificent mountainscape that fringes the city of Cairns. Our couch is the centre of our home. It is where laughs, tears, hopes, frustrations, fears, comfort and sometimes sleep are shared, either voluntarily or with loving inducement.

Much of what I will write here will be about living in Tropical North Queensland as a thirty-something year old woman, mother, sister, aunty, friend and evolving spirit grappling with existence in this life I have chosen. I look forward to sharing the lucid dreamscapes that inhabit my nocturnal consciousness, reflections that arise from contemplative afternoons spent on my ever-sunny balcony, the passions that may unexpectedly rise from the depths within me, and the lows that sometimes grab me from around dark corners.

57 responses

  1. After reading “Time IS the Essence” and thinking, “What a wise worldview, beautifully written,” I came here to learn about the author. Then I read this paragraph, which I think is fantastic:

    “Today I am a 33 year old mother of the two most delightful girls on the planet. I believe they have been sent to me to nourish me, to inspire me and to bring joy into my life. We live in a town house that looks out towards the magnificent mountainscape that fringes the city of Cairns. Our couch is the centre of our home. It is where laughs, tears, hopes, frustrations, fears, comfort and sometimes sleep are shared, either voluntarily or with loving inducement.”

    That couch sounds wonderful. I mean that in the original sense of the word: full of wonder.

    July 25, 2009 at 1:23 pm

  2. Hi there,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to comment ! And it’s a Wonderful world this blogging caper has opened up for me ! Lovely to meet a community of such talented and interesting individuals.

    Thanks again.

    Colleen

    July 25, 2009 at 11:42 pm

  3. Welcome to blog-land, not unlike Bird-land in many ways, welcome. It seems mr.marstead and I have a tad more common ground–in terms of wandering round to the same watering spot. That aside, your comments about your childhood memories and drawing them out not having to be scary is what struck me. I have some rather ‘odd’ childhood memories. Not the scary sort, but the sort that when I share them with others they stare at me as if I’ve told a whopping lie. A few of these smiles have been obliterated when the opportunity has arisen for the smilers to meet certain folks in the flesh–then ‘their’ expectations are so exceeded that they can’t believe I am ‘from’ those ‘people’. Our ‘people’ influence our make-up in all sorts of ways. I’ve found that the best way to deal with it is to face it and take it for what it is and then put it to ‘use’. And there are MANY ways to put it to ‘use’ in a positive fashion. —and so, am thinking of the bit about your life you left in marstead’s trunk and—well, what a brave woman you are, cause that ain’t easy. Mm. enjoy enjoy enjoy…

    July 26, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    • Thank you for you comment. I know exactly what you are referring to regarding the blank or quizzical looks received in response to tales from that “other planet” where we spent our childhood ! I do appreciate that the strengths and knowledge I own today are founded upon this journey I’ve traveled thus far and am grateful that now I have found a wonderful outlet to further honour my adult self and the child within.

      Thank you again for your words of support.

      July 27, 2009 at 3:04 am

  4. Hi Colleen,
    I found your blog through your beautiful daughter Chloe
    It is really beautiful and so is your daughter’s
    May God Bless you all

    Aini

    July 27, 2009 at 8:42 am

    • Thank you Aini for stopping by ! Chloe and I enjoy your blog.

      July 27, 2009 at 12:08 pm

  5. Colleen,

    Thank you for stopping by! I am so happy you enjoyed my little writing. Thank you for the nice words.

    Your blog seems to be a delightful piece of writing and I am looking forward to reading more of your experiences and beautiful reflections from tropical North.

    ieva

    July 29, 2009 at 6:44 pm

  6. Keep writing and sharing Colleen (:

    August 14, 2009 at 11:37 am

    • Thanks June I will….I have definitely caught the bug. Nice to see you have stopped by my blog.

      August 14, 2009 at 9:46 pm

  7. Hi Colleen,

    Just coming over to say hello and thank you for your visit to my blog. Sounds like you have an interesting life, and you have been blessed with one of the greatest privileges of all in being a mother. May you continue to enjoy your girls and your life together.

    Blessings,
    Carol Connell

    August 19, 2009 at 3:56 am

    • Hi Carol,

      It certainly is a lovely privilage motherhood, and one I am truly grateful for. Thank you for visiting.

      September 6, 2009 at 9:32 pm

  8. har

    Hello Collen,
    I like reading your postings. I got many useful information about living in Australia.
    It’s very nice to have a wider view on the cross-cultural understanding.
    I’ll keep stopping by this blog.
    Best wishes,
    -An Indonesian blogger-

    September 6, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    • Thank you for taking the time to comment. It’s nice to have close-by neighbour join the conversation ! See you around !

      September 6, 2009 at 9:30 pm

  9. jorgelizalde

    Hi Colleen,

    I haven’t had news from you but your mnemonic or your memory was published long time ago. Here is the link http://mnemonic.org.uk/?p=59 .

    I would like to know if you are happy with it or if you would like to change something. Also if you will give us your authorization to publish with your name.

    All the best

    Jorge

    P.S By the way you have a really nice blog.

    October 17, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    • Hello Jorge,

      Yes I love it ! I thought I had replied ? I do authorize publication…I’ll email you right away.

      October 17, 2009 at 9:37 pm

  10. Lynn

    nice to meet you colleen, i feel as though i’v eseen you somewhere before but i can’t place your face. good luck to you in the blogosphere. it seems you have a following. PEACE

    October 20, 2009 at 4:20 am

    • Hello Lynn,

      I think I’ve swung past your place before…so maybe that’s why I’m familiar to you. Thanks for stopping by and for the well wishes.

      October 20, 2009 at 12:23 pm

      • Lynn

        i always wondered where you were since you didn’t leave a link on my e-guestbook. ~and here you are!~ funny our we’re all intertwined isn’t it?

        October 20, 2009 at 7:04 pm

  11. Hi Colleen,

    I’ve been reading your blog since you commented on mine. I haven’t been moved to comment yet, but wanted to let you know I enjoy your blog and find your insights and stories very worth reading!

    October 30, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    • Hi Scott.

      Nice to hear that you come to visit. Although I primarily started this blog as a form of journal to express the rumblings inside, I am so thrilled to now have a base of readers who either float by anonymously or stop to say hi. So thank you for letting me know your thoughts !

      November 17, 2009 at 3:47 am

  12. Hi colleen, sharni from shewrites – lovely blog from a part of Australia i am yet to visit.
    Thanks for your honest introduction I look forward to reading more from your journey – I am new-ish Mum I have an almost 11 month old boy.

    November 8, 2009 at 6:45 am

    • Hi Sharni,

      Sorry for taking so long to reply…I though i already had some how. nice to meet you. I am enjoying the She Writes community and learning from such a talented bunch of women.

      See you round !

      November 17, 2009 at 3:49 am

  13. alina1985

    nice to meet you colleen 🙂 you live in a very nice place.i would love to visite someday your country.i’m sure that i will have many new things to see and to learn too 🙂
    34 years old? o la la.i was thinked that you are much younger then that 🙂

    enjoy your day

    November 16, 2009 at 9:19 am

    • Hello. Thank you for the compliment. My daughters are very lucky to have such a young mum (and I constantly remind them so !!!)

      November 17, 2009 at 3:45 am

      • alina1985

        i’m sure of this 😉 them are lucky 🙂

        take care

        November 17, 2009 at 6:51 pm

  14. what a truly thoughtful introduction.
    We are in similar mind.
    Sometimes having a rough time in your younger years can make you stronger in the future.
    i look forward to reading more posts

    November 23, 2009 at 11:08 am

  15. Hello Colleen,

    I just got your comment on my blog. Thanks. I’ll blogroll you after looking around your site a bit. I shall appreciate visiting here from time to time. Wishing you much good energy on your journey… I’m making a bunch of Australian friends with blogging… this is nice! Wishing you all the best,

    John

    November 27, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    • Thanks for coming over to visit John and am please you have enjoyed what you’ve found here. Yes, the opportunity to make connections with people from distant lands via this blogging platform is so much fun isn’t it ?

      See you around soon. And thanks for adding me to your Blogroll. I shall do the same.

      November 27, 2009 at 10:10 pm

  16. Hi Colleen,
    It’s sarah (ex-‘brown cow’… why does that phrase sound bad when brown cows are actually quite lovely?). i noticed on facebook that you had a blog – i look forward to reading more, i’ve only read this bit so far and it sounds like you have been on an amazing journey.

    its funny what you write about the couch being the center of your home… at my parent’s house we were not (actually really still not) allowed into the lounge/dining room and to sit on the couch in there. it was reserved for ‘special occasions’ and ‘important’ visitors. Sometimes i would sit on it but would soon be found out and told to not to. recently my parents decided this like-new couch was old fashioned (must keep up with the joneses). They tried to sell it for ages but no one was interested. it ended up being dontated to an old folks home. at least someone will be able to get some use out of it now! but how much better a couch that is lived on, stained, provides comfort and reflects the lives of the people who enjoy it daily!

    i spent a lot of my time overseas thinking about the past and writing about it too, but not as bravely/publicly as you. thanks for sharing your experience,

    sarah
    xxx

    November 29, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    • Sarah ! How lovely to hear from you ! Thank you for visiting my blog. I look forward to hearing more about your experiences over the past 15 years and your plans for resettlement in Melbourne. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so far away because I suddenly seem to be reconnecting with wonderful friends all based there. Oh well.

      Thank you for sharing about your family’s couch. That’s the wonderfully empowering thing about parenthood isn’t it..?…that we can choose not to recreate some of the patterns of our childhood. Our couch is truly the centre of our home…though I must say this computer does it’s darndest to drag me away from it at times !

      Well I look forward to communicating with you some more. Loving the photos and art work on your blog !

      Colleen xx

      November 29, 2009 at 11:54 pm

  17. Maria Spanos

    Hi Colleen,

    I have just started reading your blog (saw a few posts on facebook) and just wanted to tell you the way you wite and express yourself in words is amazing.

    I didn’t know you well at school (I remember you were at school for a while then left and came back again and then you left??? memories are a bit unrealiable sometimes) but you are one of the people from school that has popped into my head through he years.

    It sounds like your life has been an interesting one with many changes.

    I look forward to reading more.

    Maria
    XXOO

    December 22, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    • Hi Maria,

      Sorry for taking so long to reply ! Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and for your lovely compliments. I am glad you are enjoying my blog.

      Ahh those school days….I am so glad they are over !

      February 2, 2010 at 9:21 pm

  18. heh! just letting you know, I’m due for a heart warming story or poetry from you!!!! Haven’t heard from you for a while, hope all is well!

    January 19, 2010 at 5:57 am

    • Hi Cindy ! I’m back ! Hope your Christmas and New Year period were peaceful …

      February 2, 2010 at 9:16 pm

  19. Colleen, you have a very nice blog. also, you have an amazing way with words.

    Some write with so much fluff that the point is lost in the shadow of the words.

    Great site. Question do you do any other writing apart from your blog?

    February 2, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    • Hello, thank you for your kind comments. It always make me so happy and amazed to hear such feedback ! My blog is really my first foray into writing…..though I would love to spend more time doing so…

      February 2, 2010 at 9:19 pm

  20. Thank you for visiting Tangentially Tooty. I can see that your world is indeed very different to mine. In fact it’s hard to believe that we look up at the same sun – or not in my case: The clouds are too thick. You’re welcome to return anytime.

    February 16, 2010 at 12:46 pm

  21. Michelle

    Hi there my gorgeous friend,

    Reading your wonderful words always make me smile, feels like you are not so far away!

    Hope your inspiration levels are soaring today and you have fingers to the keyboards as I type!

    Take Care and as always – thanks for sharing and caring!!

    Shell xxx

    February 20, 2010 at 7:35 am

    • Hello my kindred spirit !

      Yep you caught me at it ! Just posted my Saturday morning musings ! (With a little help and advice from Chloe-Belle !) Hope you are feeling more settled this afternoon.

      oxoxoxoxoxo

      February 20, 2010 at 9:17 am

  22. Hi Colleen,
    Thank you for visiting my blog. We indeed share similar hopes and dreams. It’s wonderful to meet another writer, I love your writing! You are extremely talented and I hope you will take it further than just this blog one day. It’s lovely to meet you.
    love Leila

    February 22, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    • Hi Leila,
      Thank you for taking the time to visit also ! It’s always a pleasure to have another writer provide such positive feedback. Yes, my dream is to become a published writer. I’m working on a childhood memoir on top of being a full time mother and children’s advocate. Burning the candle at both ends ! I would love to stay in touch with you and share the learnings of this journey. Wishing you well in your writing endeavours also.

      Colleen

      February 22, 2010 at 11:22 pm

  23. Ooh, Australia!!! I love your blog, thank you for your visit to mine! 🙂

    February 24, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    • Hello ! I Love Australia too ! 🙂 Thanks for visiting. Hope to see you again soon.

      February 24, 2010 at 10:46 pm

  24. 🙂 Does this count as soon?

    February 27, 2010 at 4:57 pm

  25. Lynn

    hi colleen, i enjoyed learning more about you here. i really liked when you said that yoru couch is the center of your home.

    March 1, 2010 at 12:05 pm

  26. Hi Colleen,

    Thanks so much for your kind comments on my very new blog “Confessions of an Undutiful Daughter.” I’ve had a chance to swim around your blog and my take is that you’re a very brave gal — much braver than I was at your age to really examine mom stuff. Wish I had known about it a a week ago when it was raining cats and dogs here. Next storm, I’m logging on for a good read. If you’d be up for an e-mail interveiw in the future, I’d love to include parts of your story on my blog. That’s the main reason I’m doing this – to collect other stories of daughter sanity rising up mother insanity…. or just being sane enough to be protective towards oneself. Keep writing and I will too. – Rayne – 70 degrees and sunny in California’s wine country.

    March 15, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    • Hi Rayne,

      Thanks for visiting my space. Sure, an interview could be fun ! I have learnt that so many people, both men and women benefit from sharing life stories in ways I would never have imagined. The sharing has become as satisfying as the self-discovery through the writing.
      ~89 degrees and overcast in the Tropics of Far North Queensland !

      March 16, 2010 at 8:02 am

  27. Colleen, what an amazing collection of writings! Thanks for sharing your life with the world, especially the more difficult parts. I truly believe that we humans can only evolve if we bravely face and process our darker sides openly, and the best place to start is in our personal stories. As I saw Archbishop Desmond Tutu a couple of days ago, it reminds me a bit of the Truth and Reconciliation process that took place in South Africa on the heels of Apartheid. Only once we have an open and truthful dialog in a safe environment are we able to transcend and transform the energies that keep us locked in our places of pain and resentment. So cheers to you for being a brave soul on the path to a more kind and loving world.

    March 20, 2010 at 6:50 am

    • I appreciate so much Sven your words of recognition and support. That I can touch people through sharing my own growth in this forum still astounds me on a daily basis. And I learn SO much from reading about other people’s journeys.

      April 1, 2010 at 5:42 pm

  28. Wow the more I read the more I see we do have in common. I’m an American living in Spain and have been on a spiritual journey for a few years now. I love Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, and really anything that strengthens my consciousness that I can get my hands on.

    I can’t wait to do some catching up with your writing!

    April 1, 2010 at 1:36 am

    • Yep, fellow Tolle devotee here….and lately Esther and Jerry Hicks. I never engage in regret for my expereince as I am grateful that it has brought me to the place I now find myself to be. There is such satisfaction to be gained from the hard work of deep introsepction and relfection isn’t there ?

      April 1, 2010 at 5:41 pm

  29. peterhbrown

    Keep your couch the centre of your home Colleen and I’m sure life will bring you beautiful connections with your family as the girls grow with you!

    Cheers!

    Peter

    April 4, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    • Hi Peter, Thanks for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment. Yes, the couch is still our treasured space 🙂

      April 5, 2010 at 8:58 am

  30. I like the new look!

    And the old spirit of challenge you offer in your writings.

    michael j

    April 11, 2010 at 2:08 am

    • Hi Michael, thanks for commenting so. I like the new look too !

      April 11, 2010 at 7:36 am

  31. Pingback: 2010 in review « Reflections of Me

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